Dark Star’s Darkest Hour – Carpenter / O’ Bannon
INTERIOR - FREEZER ROOM DOOLITTLE Commander? Are you still there? POWELL Oh, yes, Doolittle, I'm thinking. DOOLITTLE We're running out of time, sir. POWELL Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop you'll have to talk to it. DOOLITTLE Sir? POWELL Talk to the bomb. DOOLITTLE I already have, sir, and Pinback is talking to it now. POWELL No, no, Doolittle, you talk to it. Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle. DOOLITTLE Sir? POWELL Phenomenology... INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM PINBACK Doolittle! Doolittle! Six minutes to detonation! INTERIOR - VENTRAL AIR LOCK Wearing his starsuit, complete with jetpack, Doolittle pushes a button. Above him, the giant lock doors slowly slide open. EXTERIOR - SHIP Doolittle slowly rises up out of the ship. He stops his ascent with his jetpack, turns, and moves down toward the bomb bay. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM PINBACK Doolittle! Doolittle, what the hell are you doing? EXTERIOR - BOMB BAY Doolittle floats into shot, jets himself up until he is facing massive Bomb #20. DOOLITTLE Hello, bomb, are you with me? BOMB #20 Of course. DOOLITTLE Are you willing to entertain a few concepts? BOMB #20 I am always receptive to suggestions. DOOLITTLE Fine. Think about this one, then: how do you know you exist? INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER What's he doin'? PINBACK I think he's talking to it. EXTERIOR - BOMB BAY BOMB #20 Well of course I exist. DOOLITTLE But how do you know you exist? BOMB #20 It is intuitively obvious. DOOLITTLE Intuition is no proof. What concrete evidence do you have of your own existence? BOMB #20 Hmm... Well, I think, therefore I am. DOOLITTLE That's good. Very good. Now then, how do you know that anything else exists? BOMB #20 My sensory apparatus reveals it to me. DOOLITTLE Right! BOMB #20 This is fun. DOOLITTLE All right now, here's the big question: how do you know that the evidence your sensory apparatus reveals to you is correct? INTERIOR - EMERGENCY AIR LOCK Talby lies unconscious near the burned laser. EXTERIOR - BOMB BAY DOOLITTLE What I'm getting at is this: the only experience that is directly available to you is your sensory data. And this data is merely a stream of electrical impulses which stimulate your computing center. BOMB #20 In other words, all I really know about the outside universe relayed to me through my electrical connections. DOOLITTLE Exactly. BOMB #20 Why, that would mean... I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all, for certain. DOOLITTLE That's it. BOMB #20 Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. DOOLITTLE Why don't you have more time? BOMB #20 Because I must detonate in seventy- five seconds. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER The key! PINBACK Key? Key? What is the key? BOILER No, no, the key, the key to the fail-safe lock! PINBACK Key? BOILER Where's the fail-safe key? PINBACK The key! BOILER Where is it? What did you do with it? PINBACK I don't have it. I don't know where it is. BOILER You must have it, you idiot, we can stop the bomb! EXTERIOR - BOMB BAY DOOLITTLE Now, bomb, consider this next question, very carefully. What is your one purpose in life? BOMB #20 To explode, of course. DOOLITTLE And you can only do it once, right? BOMB #20 That is correct. DOOLITTLE And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you? BOMB #20 Of course not. DOOLITTLE Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe. BOMB #20 Yes, well... DOOLITTLE So you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate. BOMB #20 I recall distinctly the detonation order. My memory is good on matters like these. DOOLITTLE Yes, of course you remember it, but what you are remembering is merely a series of electrical impulses which you now realize have no necessary connection with outside reality. BOMB #20 True, but since this is so, I have no proof that you are really telling me all this. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM Pinback is pawing frantically through the control room, searching for the key. Boiler is apoplectic. BOILER The key, goddamit, the key! PINBACK Christ, twenty seconds, Christ! BOILER Where is the key? PINBACK We're gonna die, Boiler. We're gonna die. They begin slapping each other hysterically. EXTERIOR - BOMB BAY DOOLITTLE That's all beside the point. The concepts are valid, wherever they originate. BOMB #20 Hmmm... DOOLITTLE So if you detonate in... BOMB #20 ... nine seconds... DOOLITTLE ... you may be doing so on the basis of false data. BOMB #20 I have no proof that it was false data. DOOLITTLE You have no proof that it was correct data. There is a long pause. BOMB #20 I must think on this further. THE BOMB RAISES ITSELF BACK INTO THE SHIP. Doolittle practically collapses with relief. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER It didn't go off. PINBACK Oh, God... BOILER It didn't go off. PINBACK Boiler, we're alive. My heart. INTERIOR - EMERGENCY AIR LOCK Talby slowly climbs to his feet. He is dazed, groggy. TALBY Doolittle? Doolittle? What happened? Pinback? Boiler? Did we blow it up? Hello? Hello? INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER No bombs today. No bombs. Big Boiler's back in business. No bombs today. Pinback is mumbling unintelligibly. INTERIOR - EMERGENCY AIR LOCK TALBY Hello, anybody! Did we blow up the planet? Hello, hello! What's going on? INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM Pinback and Boiler have calmed down. BOILER We've got to disarm the bomb. PINBACK Doolittle, are you there? EXTERIOR - EMERGENCY AIR LOCK Doolittle is floating outside the Emergency Air Lock door. DOOLITTLE I'm coming in now. I'm down by the Emergency Air Lock. Too much trouble to come in the Ventral Lock. Would you blow the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in? INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM PINBACK Oh, sure. He presses a button. EXTERIOR - EMERGENCY AIR LOCK The Emergency Air Lock door EXPLODES AWAY FROM THE SHIP. Behind it, carried by the burst of escaping air, comes Talby spinning head over heels into deep space. DOOLITTLE Hello, Pinback, are you there? INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM PINBACK Yeah, Doolittle. What's up? EXTERIOR - EMERGENCY AIR LOCK DOOLITTLE Talby was in the air lock. You blew him out of the ship. I'm going after him. Turn on his helmet radio so I can contact him. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER What was that, I didn't hear... PINBACK It's Talby. He's drifting away from the ship without his jetpack. EXTERIOR - SPACE Doolittle fires his jetpack, moving off into space after Talby. DOOLITTLE Talby, Talby, can you read me? INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER Can you beat that? I always knew Talby was weird. EXTERIOR - SPACE DOOLITTLE Talby, can you read me? Talby is spinning wildly. TALBY Help, Doolittle, help me! INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM PINBACK All right, bomb, prepare to receive new orders. BOMB #20 (over) You are false data. PINBACK Huh? BOMB #20 Therefore, I shall ignore you. PINBACK Hello, bomb. INTERIOR - BOMB BAY BOMB #20 False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore. I shall refuse to perceive you. PINBACK (over) Hey, bomb. BOMB #20 The only thing which exists is myself. PINBACK (over) Bomb? EXTERIOR - SPACE Talby, spinning, is reflected in Doolittle's face plate. TALBY Doolittle! Help me. DOOLITTLE Calm down, Talby. I'm coming. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM PINBACK Snap out of it, bomb. INTERIOR - BOMB BAY BOMB #20 In the beginning there was darkness, and the darkness was without form and void. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER What the hell? PINBACK Yoo hoo, bomb... INTERIOR - BOMB BAY BOMB #20 And in addition to the darkness there was also me. And I moved upon the face of the darkness. INTERIOR - CONTROL ROOM BOILER Bomb, hey bomb. PINBACK Hey, bomb... INTERIOR - BOMB BAY BOMB #20 And I saw that I was alone. Pause. BOMB #20 (cont'd) Let there be light. THE SCREEN GOES WHITE.